仰 - 海冰

作词 : 无
作曲 : 无
A letter from the Past
一封来自过去的信

I used to question myself, how can I live my own value?
我曾问自己，如何活出自己的价值？
In the past 17 years, my life went just like my parents' expected way. I used up all my diligence and eventually earned an offer from my ideal university, majoring in our family major - being a physician of Chinese Medicine.
在过去的17年里，我的生活正如我父母所预料的那样发展。我拼尽全力，最终收获了我理想大学的offer，而专业是我们家族传承的事业-成为一名中医。
But after I entered that city, I felt greatly shocked. The terribly high living expense made me reconsider my lifestyle. I started to cut down my cost, though it's unnecessary.
但当我来到那座城市之后，我感到十分震撼。高昂的生活成本使我不得不重新思考我的生活方式。我开始省吃俭用，虽然这并无必要。
What's more, I met some people, who change my values and ethical standards either instantly or gradually. One of whom is also a famous video uploader and creator in Bilibili, her aggressive attitude towards the world influenced me a lot.
而且我遇见了一些人，他们或多或少地改变着我的人生观和道德准则。他们中的一个人是在B站有很高知名度的视频创作up，她对于世界的那种激进的态度对我影响非常大。
When I look backward, all my prides turned to dust. My life, surely, is quiet and benign, but it seems that I'm looking for something, to become a better version of myself. I've seen the world within my young eyes, then found myself a naive one, even unable to go over any strike.
当我回望时，过往的骄傲皆化为尘土。固然，我的生活是平静而温和的。但我似乎在追求什么，去成为一个更好的自己。而当我用年轻的双瞳观察世界时，我发现自己竟如此幼稚无知，甚至无法承受任何一次重击。
So I started to be skeptical, be sensitive, and be delicate. I wonder if I could never be there again, again to see those preceding glories. But when I woke up from my long-last dream, I realized that I'm ordinary for so much, all my struggles are probably useless.
我开始变得怀疑，变得敏感，变得脆弱。我开始猜测，我是否可以回到往日的荣光。但当我从长梦之中醒来时，我发现我实在太过平凡，我所有的挣扎可能毫无作用。
But it doesn't mean I will give up my dream. It's a grand one, which means my sacrifices and suffers will be overwhelming. Those excruciating, those ordeal, will make me more mature and determined to face the cruel world.
但这真的不代表我会放弃我的梦想。那是个很宏大的目标，意味着会有很多的牺牲和痛苦要忍受。那些痛苦和磨炼，使我在面对残酷世界的时候更加成熟和坚强。
I had lived within the shadow of someone, keeping doubting my position. I used to be desperate, asking myself who on earth I am. But even no one cares – they think I can handle all these myself. And as time goes by I stopped pouring my bad moods to my friends, it’s a hurt to both sides.
我曾活在别人的阴影之中，不断地怀疑我的位置。我曾绝望无比，一直问自己到底是谁。但是无人关心这些-他们都认为我可以自己解决这些问题。而渐渐地我也不向我的朋友们倾倒负能量，这样对两边都没有好处。
But after all I’m longing for a place that I could be admitted, just like the aforementioned girl. It’s quite strange for a person wishing a peace and comfortable life, isn’t that?
但我毕竟还是希望能站在一个瞩目的位置，得到那些人的承认，就像我前面提到的那个女孩子一样。这对于一个心里渴望能过上平静而安逸的生活的人来说很奇怪，不是吗？
So I stood up, abandoned all my disguise, started to keep active. My aim is to tell the world, or myself, that I’m not ordinary, and I can do some crazy things that I have never dreamed about. I know it’s impossible to win everyone’s respect, but what I could do is to get as much as I can, by my believing, knowledge and talent.
所以我站了起来，抛弃了我所有的伪装，开始保持活跃。我的目的就是为了告诉世界，或者告诉自己，我并不平凡，我可以做一些自己都想不出的堪称疯狂的事情。我知道我不可能赢得所有人的尊重，但我会用我所信仰的知识和才华赢得足够多的胜利。
For I was there...And I never settle.
因为我曾在那里…从不言弃。