My Whole Family... - Bo Burnham

[00:25.970]Every time I go to dinner
[00:27.850]Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner.
[00:29.990]I'll sit down at the breakfast table.
[00:32.430]I can talk, they're not able.
[00:34.880]When I look at them I find.
[00:37.180]There's a single question on their mind.
[00:40.710]I wish it could go back to the way it was
[00:42.850]It's not easy now because...
[00:49.200]My whole family thinks I'm gay,
[00:51.470]I guess it's always been that way.
[00:53.940]Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
[00:56.500]Makes them think I like... boys.
[01:02.480]That I like boys.
[01:09.210]The goddamn question just won't go away.
[01:11.190]And I get asked every single day.
[01:13.620]But the way they ask it is not a disguise,
[01:16.170]Like, "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
[01:19.520]This is the worst,
[01:20.320]Baby this was my fear.
[01:21.760]Now their opinions are crystal clear.Because...
[01:25.690]My whole family now is shocked.
[01:28.140]I'm in the closet, and the door is locked.
[01:30.580]Now my glory days are gone
[01:32.920]I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John.
[01:35.260]My whole family now suspects
[01:37.610]watching Spongebob had side-effects.
[01:40.290]I'm not gay and that's what I said
[01:42.930]If I'm gay hey, God, strike me dead.
[01:51.640]That's weird.
[01:58.370]Just 'cause I'm on the cheerleading team
[02:00.160]Or my birthday party had a Broadway theme.
[02:03.770]When I go outside, what do I see?
[02:06.000]That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G.
[02:11.460]Because...
[02:12.450]I think that God might think I'm gay.
[02:14.630]What does He know anyway?
[02:16.880]My grandma gave me a present just last year,
[02:19.570]And the card said, "Happy Birthday, Queer!"
[02:22.020]My whole family thinks I'm fab.
[02:24.410]There's a guy's butt hey, Bo, take a stab.
[02:26.410]Come on.
[02:29.330]Why doesn't he get women?
[02:30.290]There's no other way.
[02:31.530]It's 'cause I'm lanky, not 'cause I'm gay, alright?
[02:37.620]Not 'cause I'm gay.
[02:44.540]Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow.
[02:46.420]Or my favorite color is the rainbow.
[02:51.710]I don't mean to yell, but I feel I must.
[02:53.560]'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust.
[02:57.240]Because...
[02:58.200]Even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... Just kidding.
[03:07.910]You all probably think I'm gay...
[03:10.350]Man this song is counter-productive.
[03:14.580]La la la la la...
[03:19.670]Because...
[03:20.660]My whole family thinks I'm gay.
[03:22.750]What did they know anyway?
[03:25.080]You gotta look right through the haze.
[03:27.380]Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase.
[03:30.120]My whole family thinks I'm queer.
[03:32.260]That is all I ever hear.
[03:34.660]But I've been as straight as a ramp,
[03:37.050]If you don't count Bible camp.
[03:43.380]Bible camp.
[03:46.380]I'm not gay I swear.